syren.

syren.

Syren de la Lune.

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The Smallest Doll In The Babushka Doll.	[Nov. 14th, 2009\|01:14 am]
Nothing I could say here could explain it better than this: --
Link	1 fallen star ... whisper sweet nothings..

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that which is distant.	[Sep. 15th, 2009\|07:48 pm]
I want so much to be loved the way a boy who has just found love for the first time demonstrates his passion. Without reservations and totally blinded by his own desire. It feels like he's walking on air when he sees me and keeping his feelings to himself ends up feeling as though it is burning him down entirely; smouldering. And I will try to keep my cool for as long as I can, until I feel it overflowing in me, too. We spoil one another incessantly for weeks on end.
Link	1 fallen star ... whisper sweet nothings..

Am I even anywhere close?	[Sep. 7th, 2009\|10:46 am]
( things who remind me. . . )
Link	whisper sweet nothings..

the end of the madness & magic ash.	[Aug. 27th, 2009\|02:57 am]
THE END. i'm not used to being around anyone with the same childlike spark, and freer.. he ran away to sweden and fell in love. and now back "home" (he no longer calls london his home), he is ill and lovesick because he's back here and hates it. it's nothing compared to where he went - and neither are the people in his eyes. he came back full of extreme vulgarity, peppered with insults toward the people (sean & i) who had been keeping his disgusting apartment for him while he was away. [um... where's the thanks?] i did treasure him.. i treasured him dear like i were an angel who came into his life and everyone else saw it but him.. people would stare at us in the street and comments (from people we knew well to passers-by) were directed at us with things like why i am with him! and that i can do better or that i am "pitied" because he doesn't treat me as well as i deserve. i would strike back and put my arm around him and tell him that he is perfect. i saw him as a supermodel who wore scruffy clothes (which still suited him) with sledge-hammer wit and charm. but in the end, he never reacted to me the way he did to that country - we just fed off one another and shared the same energy, the same vein of madness as though we were the same person. stupid lost passport.. if i'd have gone at least it could have been shared and our bond reinforced. god, i feel stupid.. and discarded. i wish i were angrier with him. i don't like that i can't stay angry at him. my desire for romantic love has taken on the force of being a daily and nightly mind-fuck again. if anything, it's good for my art... it's good for inspiration because again i feel so grossly fucking unbeautiful so i'm looking everywhere for beauty to cling onto. where on earth is it anymore? ~ because i saw him as a whole world of beautiful and he turned out to be a compulsive liar, i feel like i can't trust anything beautiful anymore because of how easily deceiving it is. right now, all i want is for him to fuck off back to sweden so i can just pretend he has vanished off the face of the earth. i've set a lot of plans in motion for the immediate future which frightens me but i feel like i am clinging onto my own ambitions and what i've made i can personally trust. i have dreams in the night about romance happening in fields and playgrounds and among natural and intoxicating surroundings. we kiss madly, grasping one anothers flesh with urgency and with tears flooding my eyes i plead him to make love to me beside that tree over there. sweat from fevers makes our skin stick together. i can't stand not being as close as we possibly can regardless of where we are but where we are amplifies the naturality of sex. so we fuck, like animals in the wilderness who need no justification for what they are doing. it makes the world spin. and now, after having done god-knows how many drugs, powders, elixirs and smokable things of all kinds.. i know that love really is the drug which gives me the most powerful high. it'll happen. if this dream never comes true, there is no point in me being alive. i live for love like this. i live for love like this..
Link	3 fallen stars ... whisper sweet nothings..

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where to find joy.	[Jul. 8th, 2009\|06:03 pm]
i still wish it can happen. are my dreams too specific? to me, it's just passionate love. henry's mother spoke of seeing her lulu dance as making her the happiest she's ever been... her supple figure wrapped in the delicate pink lace gift wrapping of costume. shy shy shy smile sweetening everything as we watch and she knows we are watching. i agree. i have never seen anything like her before. i believe it. whenever she wants to be closer to happiness she thinks of lulu dance. she poses this method to henry for finding his own happiness. my mind wanders softly back the memory of laying with my love with tears of gratitude sweeping down my cheeks. the most secure and the most beautiful. everything i ever need around me: my love, his heartbeat, his voice, his warmth, his strength... this is heaven on earth. could it be possible to take this feeling with us, everywhere.. tenderly giving love to each place we visit. ~ engraving our initials into trees and feverishly gasping through kisses in desperation for a secluded place to fuck one another. biting love-wounds into flesh and clawing passion into skin as though wishing to become part of one another. to physically consume, we are such primative animals and now so powerful.
Link	3 fallen stars ... whisper sweet nothings..

uncharted suns.

[Jun. 28th, 2009|02:36 am]

[	mood	\|	lawd i sound arrogant	]
[	melody	\|	i'm just HAPPY :D	]

i am in the vortex of a summer of love. at last.
i have my little bubbler in my room with me and i never, ever feel loneliness with him. he is my star and my joy and the bringer of all good things.
i went to the university for the creative arts taster courses and i'm now a legit student... i have homework and everything now!! there are projects to dedicate myself to and life feels like a ride with scary and exciting things everywhere: undiscovered corners. over the summer i have to visit as many art galleries as i can - especially the top london ones - what a shame! ;D

i play dress-up and run outside, laughing.
pretending to be french and married by the exchanging of hats with kitten bridesmaids. i have a fondness for intoxications. and i like being torn to shreds by passionate adventure and the powers of escapism. because life is worth dying for. and life is nothing without adventure. stamina is written on the soles of my blackened feet. dancing barefoot through london alleyways and singing with the buskers. [they earn extra when i dance with them]. i feel bipolar but without down time.

and if i get revolted looks (which i do)
for being uncouth,
or daring,
provocative ...

i declare openly and with reassurance that life is too short.

if worry starts to cloud my mind, i daydream about the vastness of the universe, the size of space and of worlds beyond ours and of the absolute fucking wonder that is all of this beautiful flourishing life on this mad little spinning plannet.

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5 fallen stars ... whisper sweet nothings..

Nature.	[Jun. 13th, 2009\|03:26 am]
All of the summer is unlocking my resistance. No matter how unbearable the heat, it is passion which soaks the skin more. Reaching for another heart..
Link	whisper sweet nothings..

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says 'don't let go'

[Feb. 16th, 2009|02:28 am]

[

Tags

future, love, summer

]

for the first time since 2002, i have no lover.

love takes on no precise form these days but is a constant entity unconfined to skin. it is open and wandering - through fantasies as ever it was. my heart resembles an external spiritual organ vulnerable to the world: i'm desperately trying not to let it get hurt whilst proudly pruning all attributes gracing my character, because there will never be another me.

i decide that this summer will be wonderful and think of happiness as a choice. i foresee visions of sunkissed friends smoking weed at a picnic in a field where everyone is dancing and playing. tiny rainbows are being painted on wrists &faces which get stained by tears of laughter and pearls of summer sweat.

i'm in love with what i want. and i don't mind, and i don't feel vain. every moment spent analysing such possibilites is time well spent on self-understanding i've never before had:

i know this is the stuff i will thank myself for on my death bed.

endless are the invitations to my heart.

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6 fallen stars ... whisper sweet nothings..

(no subject)

[Dec. 20th, 2008|06:35 am]

[

mood

serene

]

I have given up on trying to explain myself to other people who prefer the punch of direct and human answers. Factes of individuality can manifest themselves in so many different ways; I am erratic and my personality is liquid: constantly shifting resulting in many different first impressions and perceptions of what I am. But they're all correct, this is perhaps why I felt I required so much validation. There is never any obligation to define me.
Thoughts surrounding this can be interpreted as conceited in their self-indulgence: Why so special? Why dwell on yourself so much? In reply I ask what isn't amazing about you? I still can't believe I made it here..
No airs of faux self-confidence seeps from vanity, superficiality, materialism. I fall in the kind of love that has thoughts - usually so self-deprecating - blend to magnificent realizations, each and every one carrying truths rooted in nature, validating my existance and connecting me to it. The shapes of my eyes and fullness of my lips exceed all media-targeted definitions of beauty when they are so full of love: that higher plane is an experience, not merely a visual illusion. It penetrates and does not just linger on the surface.

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6 fallen stars ... whisper sweet nothings..

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