||[Dec. 6th, 2008|05:58 am]
most of the time i know exactly what i'm doing. i have no idea what i'm doing right now and i'm scared. i'm lost in a personal lack of understanding of what i want, and what is right for me. i wanted to be tarnished so as to gain experience i felt i needed. i don't regret it, but it has left me not knowing what i want or which path to follow through. i wonder if i was better off before, in solitary galaxies of my own creation, however lonely... loneliness is such a beautiful emotion. do you ever feel numbed by the world? rather than enchanted? it feels vain to think like this, but when i see things through strictly my own gaze - uninterrupted - i am bewitched by how i idealise, how my imagination falls into beautiful compositions. it's when i arrange myself like this that i feel truly happy, but lonely because i want to share this magic with other people to form deeper connections.
i am still full of the same pearls; it takes the blisses from your heart to open me up.